Random Moments
by Dorks In Forks
Summary: Random, funny, cute, sweet, moments i came up with. All the people in here are OOC. seriously. haha rated T for laungage. :
1. Waffles

Waffles

**The sexy werewolves POV**

**AKA- Jacob**

"**ahhhh, Bella." I said to my best friend who I secretly loved. Damn that bloodsucker for stealing her…**

**Something was wrong with Bella. We had driven all the way to Port Angeles to go to the movies. Alone. Not like that one time with that…marshmallow(AN-HAHA like that one line in the New Moon movie!! Haha)**.

We were walking smoothly down the sidewalk, when Bella had stopped dead in her tracks. Her brown eyes wide.

"waffles" she whispered mutedly.

"What?" I asked her.

"waffles."

"Waffles???" I said completely confused. Why did Bells say…waffles?

"YES, DAMN YOU JACOB BLACK!! HOW THE HELK DO YOU EXPECT ME TO WALK RIGHT PAST A WAFFLE HOUSE WITHOUT STOPPING BY FOR A WAFFLE!!! I F***ING LOVE WAFFLES!!! I. WANT. A. WAFFLE. NOW!" Bella exploded in my face. Scary.

She giggled then skipped away, yes, Bella skipped without falling flat on her face. Singing "Waffles!" as she walked into the Waffle House.

**Don't ask me about waffles, they are my newest obsession. Hmmm…you like? Review and you'll have another Random moment with Twilight people. I'll write one or two on an extremely long bus ride to DC. **

**PS- I don't own Twilight or Waffle House. Damn, no waffles for me.**

**Oh! This is a shout out to my friend Aly!! WriterDancerActress10!! Luv ya!!!**


	2. Llama Boy

Llama Boy

The Hot, but not hot, one.

AKA-Edward's POV

**Ah, I was having a lovely day. I wrote a new song, won in baseball and, now, I'm laying on my Bella's bed. My face in her warm, brown hair.**

"**Edward?" She whispered.**

"**Yes, love?" I asked back, playing with a strand of her hair. **

"**Have you ever eaten…" She paused, "a…never mind." she ended the sentence with a long, cute yawn. I chuckled.**

"**Bella, you can ask me anything, you know that, right?" She twisted around and I could see her pink cheeks. What was she asking me something that I've eaten, and blushing? Huh?**

**She nodded. "Ok, um, have you ever eaten a…llama?" she asked hiding her beautiful eyes.**

"**Umm…yeah, like, twice…?" it sounded like a question. A llama? They ate grass, not very appetizing.**

"**OMFG! EDWARD!! HOW THE HELK COULD YOU EAT MY FAVORITE ANIMAL IN THE WORLD!!" Bella yelled, her eyes seemed to flash red. Um, weird. "LLAMAS ARE AWESOME AND YOU ATE TWO! TWO!!!!!! I HATE YOU, EDWARD CULLEN!!!" **

**I laughed and she glared at me. Thank god Charlie was at work late. She would be dead, then I would be dead.**

"**HAHAHAH!!! BELLA-" I exploded into laughter, "I thought your favorite animal is a wolf"**

"**Oh, well, um, yeah. Never mind. EAT THE LLAMAS!!!" she blushed as she pushed me out the window. I was really paying attention so I hit the ground with a loud thud.**

**I was still laughing my head off climbing back through the window.**

**Bella looked at me, "Llama boy." was all she said before she kissed me.**

**HAHA I love llamas, I'm officially llama girl. HaHAHa, yeah review and hey, this one is early. Be happy. :-) haha have a nice day.**


	3. The Other Edward

The Other Edward

Giant Teddy Bear's POV

AKA- Emmett Cullen

(Wait before the story begins, I want everyone to know that this story takes place the first year the Cullens are in Forks. OHHHH! This isn't very mature but when I wrote POV next to Giant Teddy Bear's, I accidentally put POO. SO it was Giant Teddy Bear's POO!! HAHA!)

"Yes, class, you have homework over the weekend." Everyone groaned as Mr. Banner said this.

I hate homework, it's a waste of time to do it. I've probably done this exact same work sheet fifty times!! Gees, I'm not even that smart and they still give me homework. Its like I want to say "Yo, dudes, I'm a vampire and vampires don't forget. I've done this before. I'm not going to do it."

No, I couldn't say that. One, Rose would kill me. Two, Carlisle would be angry. Three, the Volturi would kill me. Oh god, I'd be so dead.

The rest of the day past boringly. Nothing excited. Yawn.

When I got home I really wanted to do a little prank on Eddiekins, so I blocked my thoughts and ran upstairs to his room. Once there, I ran quickly to his closest where I found exactly what I needed. MAWHAHAH!!!

Eddiekins POV

AKA- Edward Cullen

I was so lonely but I had a family that loved me. I was incomplete but I felt no urge to find anyone. I was going to be alone forever.

I walked in the house and listened to everybody's thoughts.

Alice:_ Blue and purple would be perfect…. _My sister. Obsessed with clothes. How sad.

Jasper _I'm bored. Ooo I need to go find Em. Wrestling!!_ I laughed a little at Jazz's mind.

Rosalie: _I'm so pretty!…_I stopped. Ew. She was so full of herself.

Esme: _Oh, what a lovely picture of Alice. She looks so sweet. _Esme was looking through some old pictures.

Emmett: _We were both young when I first saw you. I close my eyes and the flashback starts. I'm standing there…_WTF!?!

He was blocking me. Why?

Then I saw why. Emmett was standing on the bottom step of the stairs wearing my favorite shirt and pants. His hair untidy like mine. Oh no. He was trying to be me. Again.

"Hey, Emmett." He said to me. Ah….

"Hi, Emmett?" I said back walking away.

" Oh, no, Emmett. I'm Edward Cullen." He smiled crookedly. Oh no he didn't!!! "Um, Emmett, do you need help with your homework. Because I'm the smartass of the family." He laughed.

I turned around and tackled him to the ground. I hate my annoying older brother.

**Sooooooooooo….what ya think? I need 5 reviews to go on. Please!!! I'm begging you!!!!!!!**


	4. On Hold and Edward is Addicted

**Ok guys, please, oh, please don't hate me but this story is on hold. I swear it will begin again after 'Life Changed On Christmas' is complete. I can explain, My three humor stories are fun and happy and give off a good vibe but I'm writing a story that is sad and very dramatic. I need to concentrate just on that one for a little while and i have choosen to do 'lCOC'. I promise. So here is a little mini-story to leave you hanging with…. This is so random but its one of those classes where you say what is your addiction or like, an anger management class. Yeah. Its completely random. And from a person named Steve's POV. Very short!!!**

"Hello," A boy with bronze colored hair and gold eyes said, "my name is Edward."

"Hey, Edward." everyone said in monotone

"I'm addicted to……." He looked around the circle until his eyes locked on one person with brown hair and brown eyes. "YOU!" Edward exploded, "I'M ADDICTED TO YOU, BELLA!!"

The girl with brown eyes and brown hair looked confused. She spoke, "Ah…my name is Natalie."

"Oh…." Edward was embarrassed.

**You should really check out Life Changed On Christmas. Chapters updated everyday!!!!**


	5. Eric's Team not on hold anymore, I guess

**Eric's Team**

**Ms. Oblivious to the Obvious**

**AKA- Bella Swan**

"So, Bella," Eric Yorkie said to me while I was walking to English one day. "What team are you?"

"What?" I answered back giving the boy a confused look.

"Ya know, team Edward or team Jacob." Eric rolled his eyes like a girl. A gay girl.

"Um, what?" I searched my brain for what team he was just talking about. All I got out of that was chills from Edward's name.

"Twilight…" he sighed.

"Oh, I haven't read Twilight. Ever." _Lie _Edward's voice was in my ears. Oh no not again. But where was this danger?!

The thought of a teen vampire romance freaked me out, even though I was living one. Then the

girls best friend, a werewolf, falls in love with her. It was too similar to my life and it would scare me.

"You haven't read Twilight?" He seemed appalled. "I've read Twilight and its my obsession. I even have a Fan Fiction account!"

I looked at him as if he had eight heads. What the heck? "Ah, yeah, I've always found people that

climb through windows to watch someone sleep creepy," I had to stop myself for laughing, "and I like

reading about real things. Not about fake vampires and werewolves. They're fake. Also, I can't stand all the fan girls who are obsessed with that Edward dude. And that Indian dude…Seth?" I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing. Sorry, but this was too much fun.

"No! Seth is Jacob's best friend other then Bella Swan…" His eyes got really wide. Oh. My. God. "OMG! YOU'RE ISABELLA SWAN, RIGHT?! AND YOUR BOYFRIEND IS EDWARD CULLEN! AND THAT ONE FRIEND OF YOUR'S IS JACOB BLACK!!! OHMYGAWD!!!!" I had to clamp my hand over Eric's mouth to get him to shut up. Oops I found the danger. Evil fangir- I mean fanboy. haha

"No, silly Eric. My name is Bella Goose. And Edward is Edward Colan…der" I had to think of something to keep the secret, "Jacob is not Jacob Black, Jacob is Jacob Purple." I explained as if I was explaining to a young child.

"No," he said when I took my hand off of his mouth. "I'm Eric Yorkie and I'm in that book. Jessica, Angela, Mike, Tyler and even your own dad! You're dad's name is Chief Charlie Swan. And the name of the Cullens are the same. WTF!?!?!?! Does this mean Edward is….." Eric gave me a worried look. He figured it out.

"No! No, Edward isn't a vampire." my cheeks turned pink. Play it up! I stomped my feet and marched away.

I need help from a werewolf but Eric can learn from a book saga. How come he can do it and not me!?!

I turned around to a frozen Eric. "By the way, I'm a team Edward." I said smiling.

**I'm a team Edward but sometimes a Jacob. Sigh. I can't choose.**


	6. Emmett's Diary Nov 28 Dec 12

November 28, 2009

Dear Diary,

Emmett here, Rosalie told me to write in this thing for a "school project" I think she's lying. What school project would involve a buff vampire who is completely awesome? Yeah, Rosa is lying and why am I still writing.  
Emmett the Awesome

November 30, 2009

Dear Diary,

Rosalie is forcing me to write so I'm going to write about my self in 3rd person. … Emmett Cullen is cool. He is the most awesome, coolest, most gangsta, chillaxin', vampire in existence. He is really tall and can kick anyone's ass. Yes, even your's and he's going to kick your's cuz you're reading this. YOU GONNA GO DOWN!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...wow that Emmett dude sounds pretty sweet.  
Emmypoo…ha-ha

December 1, 2009

Dear this damned thing-y,

I found a YouTube video today, it was of me in a dress, playing with dolls and writing in this piece of s***. Rosalie and Edward did it. I can explain the dress thing, truth or dare. The dolls are my best friends though!! I LOVE THEM!!! My favorite one has blue hair (Alice helped me dye it) and has on a pink shirt that says "Team Emmett" and a black and whit checkerboard skirt (I made it all by my self!!!) and some sexy boots. Damn, I wish I could dress like that…

HAHA!! Edward just ran out of the house screaming "Oh my god! EMMETT STOP THINKING THAT!!!!! EWEWEE!"!! HHAHAHA that was amusing.

Surprisingly I'm finding this writing stuff fun. I'll write more tomorrow.  
Emmett the Bear RAWR!!!!!!!

December 3, 2009

Diary,

I'M SO SORRY! I DIDN'T WRITE YESTERDAY BECAUSE I WAS OUT HUNTING!! PLEAESE, OH, PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Say something………………OH NO YOU HATE ME DON'T YOU DIARY! OH SH**!!!

Oh well I'm still gonna talk to you cuz I have nothing better to do. We finished decorating the house for the holidays today, it looks great. Rosalie is pissed off at Jacob…like always, Nessie fell down the stairs today, it was really funny, she didn't get hurt, hahaha she is just as clumsy as Bella as a human. FUNNY! Edward freaks out when ever I think of myself in a pink shirt, mini-skirt and sexy boots. Bella almost caught the kitchen on fire while making dinner for the pack and Nessie. YES! I can make fun of her for the next century!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Other then that today has been uneventful….bored….bye…..

THE HOT CULLEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

December 6, 2009

Dear Emmett's Diary,

Seth-**Bold  
**Jacob-underlined  
Nessie-_Italics_

**_HI_**! **Seth, **Jacob** and **_Nessie _**here and we're writing in here just to piss off Emmett**. **Emmett is a dumbass** _and is totally stupid most of the time_. **Sigh**. He is going to find this and we're dead. _SAVE ME JACOB!!!_ **Ok then…..**  
_Nessie the cute, young one._ _Seth the good dog._ **HEY!** Seth the Mut- **Seth the Cooler then Emmett (and Jacob)** . Jacob the tall one with awesome hair and great smile _and the dork_. Not cool Nessie.

December 6, 2009

OMFTLSOBWTHIAGTKNSJATSTFWIH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY WROTE IN MY DIARY! NO!!! THEY CALLED ME A DUMBASS AND STUPID! AND YES I'M GOING TO KILL THEM!!!!!!! GRRRRR!!!! ROAR! MOOOOO!I cOw! IA HEUWAHEUPRIHEFIU WEHF I'M GOING TO EAT THEM. EW. OH WELL.  
EMMETT THE REAL OWNER OF THIS DAMNED DIARY!!!!!!

December 12, 2009

Today Emmett has given up on this diary. He has the attention span of a gold fish. He is a poophead and a waffle face. - LOTS OF LOVE: Jasper, Alice and Bella!

**There you have it. The Emmett diary from November 28 to December 12. Remember this, I don't own twilight. I promise cuz if I did, I'd be overly stressed and I'd be writing more book rather then making the fans wait so long. Next Chapter Up soooooon!! Lots of Love Hales**


	7. The Squirrels Damned Squirrels

**Going Nutts**

**Hales POV (heehee that's me!)**

I sat on my bed, typing and watching SNL when a light scratching noise came form above me. I was startled, nothing was up there but a little crawl space. I leaped from my bed, taking the laptop with me and ran to the living room where the sound was quieted.

"Mom?" I whispered to my mother who had fallen asleep on the sofa.

"What, Haley?" I told her about the strange noises and she said it was all in my head and i needed to stop watching ghost shows.

I wasn't going to let that stop me from checking it out. I walked underneath of the crawl space door and reached for the string for the ladder. I began to pull it down slowly.

I climbed up the ladder and looked around the dark, cramped space. Something moved and I forced my eyes to see it.

It was two fat squirrels, one dark chocolate brown, the other a reddish-brown. I named them. the reddish brown one, Edward and the dark brown one, Bella. I laughed at myself.

The Edward squirrel had gold eyes and a messy tail and was taller then Bella. He looked like a pretty squirrel and his chirping to the Bella squirrel was musical, like velvet. His perfect face.

The Bella squirrel was pretty but not Edward pretty. She had dark brown eyes and her head was heart -shaped.

The squirrels didn't seem to like my laugh, Edward ran at me with blinding speed, a vampire squirrel. GASP!

Iwas_ killed _by that squirrel. All of my blood sucked out of me. that evil Edward squirrel.

**Haha, there are squirrels in my attic as I type and its getting really annoying. It just popped into my mind, yes, even squirrels make me thing Twilight. Hahaha I'm a sad person. review. Like now. Or I'll put annoying, damned squirrels in you're attic. **


	8. Pants on the Ground

**HI! Sorry it's been so long, no inspiration…ANYWAY, This is my new favorite song. If you don't watch American Idol, like if you're in a different country (HI! EVERYONE OUT OF THE US!), I will just tell you to go to YouTube and type in 'Pants on the Ground by General Larry Platt'. Its really funny, well, to me. So this is my chapter…please REVIEW(!) and say something for me to do. Ok…just read it!**

**I don't own Twilight, Pants on the ground or baggy pants. The gangsters stole them. Darn.**

**Yo, Em!**

**No longer Clumsy(so it's after BD)'s Point of View**

**AKA- Bella Cullen!!**

"So…Emmett, what are you doing?" I asked Emmett who was wearing a pair of baggy jeans, a hat and a really big white tee-shirt. His hair was being pushed into his eyes by his hat.

"You'll see…" Emmett mumbled. He also had aluminum foil as a grill. Oh. My. God.

At that moment, Edward, my sweet, darling Edward walked in the front door, carrying Renesmee on his hip.

"What the heck?" Edward looked so confused, I was too. Renesmee look…amused. That's when the music started.

"_Pants on the ground. Pants on the ground" _Emmett was rapping/singing/I really couldn't tell. "_Lookin' like a fool with you pants on the ground, _

_Gold in your mouth, _

_Hat turned sideways, pants hit the ground_

_Call yourself a cool cat looking like a fool _

_Walking down town with yo pants on the groundget it up!!_

_HEY! got your pants off the ground_

_lookin like a fool, walkin talking_

_with you pants on the groundget it up_

_hey get them pants off the ground_

_Lookin' like a fool with you pants on the ground_

_Gold in your mouth_

_Hat turned sideways, pants hit the ground_

_Call yourself a cool cat looking like a fool_

_Lookin' like a fool with you pants on the ground!!"_

At the end, Alice was dancing behind him wearing the exact same outfit, expect she had on some big glasses.

Edward looked at me, scared. I gave him a weird look back. Renesmee was now hiding behind Edward's leg.

I heard laughing so I turned my attention back to Emmett. His baggy pants were around his ankles, revealing his Sponge-Bob boxers. I began to laugh, Edward's laugh chimed in and so did Renesmee's.

"PANTS ON THE GROUND! LOOKIN LIKE A FOOL WITH YOUR PANTS ON GROUND!" Jasper, Esme, Carlisle, Rosalie, Alice, Jacob, Seth, Leah, Renesmee, Edward and I shouted at Emmett.

Emmett just looked down and walked out the front door, with his pants still on the ground. That fool.

**HALF DAYS THIS WEEK!! NEW CHAPTERS!! FOR ALL OF MY STORIES! A NEW STORY! AH! NEW GLASSES AND BRACES! I'M NERDY! WAFFLES! REVIEW!!!!!!!! : ) **

**PS- this Chapter is to my best friends, Aubrey, Aly and Caitlin! I love you guys!**

**OH, Aly, I bought Venetian Princess's song Outer Space on iTunes. haha I'm listening to it! You are awesome. totally.**

**~Hales**


	9. Movie Time With Nessie

**The Twilight Movie**

**Ninja Mind!**

**AKA-Bella Cullen**

"Let's watch this!" Renesmee said picking up the DVD. I rolled my eyes, she wouldn't want to watch that.

"Sure, we'll watch this." I picked up the DVD and placed it into the player. I waited for it to load and then pressed play.

"_I'd never given much thought to how I would die. Though dying in the place of someone I loved, seems like a good way to go." _a low, female voice spoke, clearly. I watched my daughter's eyebrows rise.

"Is that a guy or a girl talking?" She said after the first lines. I almost laughed. _almost_.

The deer ran through the thick underbrush of forest on the screen. A monster chased after it. Well, a vampire. Then as the deer came around the corner, the vampire attacked it.

"AH! BAMBI! WHY?!" Renesmee screamed at the screen. I sniffled back a laugh again.

"That's not Bambi, sweetheart." I said.

A girl with curly brown hair and pale skin appeared. Holding a shovel and a cactus in her hands. With her eyes close the voice over started again.

"_I still couldn't regret the decision to leave home. I would miss Phoenix. I'd miss the heat. I would miss my loving erratic, harebrained mother. And her new husband." _The girl murmured again.

"Mommy, so is it a girl or a boy? And who the H-E-Double Hockey sticks wears a long sleeve shirt in Arizona!?" She practically screamed.

"Renesmee! Where on earth did you hear such language?" I asked appalled. She only looked four.

"Emmett." she laughed looking back up at the screen.

"_Hey, guys I love you both but we got a plane to catch." _An adult male wearing a baseball hat, shorts and a t-shirt said.

"Does he _really_ think he's cool?!" Renesmee muttered to herself.

"_But they want to get on the road…so I'm going to spend some time with my dad."_ The girls voice was low.

"MADRE! Tell me! Guy or Girl, dammit!?!" Renesmee stood up on the couch and yelled.

"No more movies for you." I said to her, picking her up. Time for her punishment. Broccoli.

"NO! NOT THE HUMAN FOOD!" Nessie shrieked.

**Wow. I have no comment.**

**Taaaadaaaaaaaaa! Review.**


	10. Rosalie

SUPER RANDOM

Teddy Bear!

AKA- EMMETT CULLEN

"Rosalie. Rosalie. Rosalie." I called my beautiful wife. She was laying in our bed, either she was bored or she wanted to….never mind. I don't need to kill like teenagers brain cells with sex.

"Rosalie. Rosalie. Rosalie." She still continued to ignore me. I jumped over the bed to get into her face.

"Rosalie. ROOOOOOOOOOOSE! ROOOOOSALINIY!" I shouted. Then she extended her right arm out and punched me clear in the face. It didn't hurt, but still. OMG! MY WIFE PUNCHED ME!

Edward was standing in the doorway now, laughing. "You are whipped." he said shaking his head.

I just growled at him.

"Rose, baby, I need to ask you something." I said in my sweetest tone.

"what?" she gave in.

"I really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really rally really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really want to be a unicorn." I finished.

Rosalie had sat up and she was now glaring at me intensely.

"Oh yes Emmett, like I can change you into a unicorn." She said. Then out of freaking nowhere, she kissed me. WTF?

**Can you tell how bored I am? REALLY! Ok so here's the deal. The first person to find the word "rally" in this gets the next 4 chapters dedicated to them. : ) Ok? Ok!**

_**Thanks for reading.**_


	11. Asking The Cullens and Friends!

**Haley's POV**

"Hello, everyone and welcome to Askin' the Cullens and Friends." I cheered to the live studio audience. The clapped and cheered back.

"Well, that's a stupid name." Emmett murmured to Rosalie. She just laughed but I sent her an evil glare. Rosalie glared back.

"Anyway, these are the Cullens! Let's let them introduced themselves!" I said in my happy voice.

"HI! I'm Alice Cullen, I'm nineteen. Well, not really but anyways. I like shopping and I can see the FUTURE!" Alice said. Dramatic music began to play when she said 'future'.

"It is I, Lord Mocha and I have come to slay the dragon, named Refried Beans!" Emmett said. Geez, stupid much? Rosalie whapped him on the head. "Okay, I'm Emmett Cullen, I'm 20 years old but really 105. Yeah, um, I like to dance." Emmett spun around and began to get low, "I'm really strong and I think Rosalie is sexy." Rosalie smiled when I pointed to her.

"Hello, I'm Rosalie. I'm eighteen, I love my family and my cars." She said in her angel yet shy voice. She was so pretty, it made me jealous. How could she be so pretty but not me? Then again, I am a human.

"Thanks, Rosalie." I said to her. She smiled again while hugging Emmett. I pointed to the tall blonde dude with feather-looking scars on him. He looked nervous and frightened

"Oh, um, hey? I'm Jasper Hale. I'mma, ah, 166 as of the beginning of the year. Yeah…I like to feel things." the audience busted into laughter, so did the Cullens and the others on stage. But I didn't laugh, I swiftly got out of my chair and whispered into his ear quickly.

"You don't like to _feel _things. You feel emotions, moron. Gosh you live with Emmett…" I sat back down in my chair. I felt a wave of embarrassment.

"What I meant was I can feel emotions and changed them. GOD GET OFF MY CASE!" Jasper threw his hands in the air.

"Ummm… OK, ah, you there!" I pointed to Bella.

"Hi, I'm Bella Cullen and I'm the newest vampire in the Cullen coven. I'm eighteen and I have a beautiful little girl name Rensemee. I have a shield, I really love to keep my family safe." Bella said strongly. She was so brave looking. And, once again, so beautiful it was hardly fair….that bitc-

Edward was glaring at me. Oops he could hear me. I began to sing Poker Face in my head. He gave me a strange look.

"Grr…I'm Edward Cullen, I'm seventeen. Super sexy." Edward was staring right a Bella when he said that. But then he looked at the audience. "Oh, I'm a vampire who can read minds and…I love Bella and my daughter, Rensemee…and I like to play piano." Edward glared at the blonde girl in the front. I wonder why?

"Um, Esme!" I stood up in my chair and flung my arms over my head. I probably looked insane but, hey, I was talking to werewolves and vampires here. Ha-ha pretty crazy!

"Well, hello, everyone. I'm Esme Cullen and I'm very pleased to see you all, my dears." Esme was scaring the audience. "I'm twenty-six, I assume, my loves. Oh, sweat peas, I love my family quite, quite dearly. Uh-hmm, yes. I love to garden, cook, clean…I love you all. Each of your cute, little, amazing faces. I love-"

"UM! Ok, Esme! NEXT!" my voice was up two octaves.

"I'm Carlisle Cullen." the camera had to move so that it was pointing at Carlisle. It was pointing at Rensemee and Jacob who were passionately and hotly making-out on stage.

"I'm a doctor and I'm physically twenty-three. I love being with my family and I have a passion for healing people, so if you are hurt come to me!" Carlisle stood up on the chair and did the superman pose, ya know, with his hands in fists on his hips.

"EH! Werewolves then hybrid-thing-y!" I screamed at Jacob.

Jacob and Nessie stopped licking each other's tongues and started talking.

"I'm Jacob. I'm a werewolf. And I want to have sex with Renesmee." He said proudly.

"THEN LET'S DO IT!" Nessie jumped to him. I simply blinked at this…odd….thing. Edward jumped out of his seat the threw Jacob across the room.

I saw it was time to cut to commercial. Shiizz. "Hai, we'll be right back," I said looking into the camera. "Right after these commercials everyone hates so much about tampons and anti-depressants!" Everyone clapped and laughed. Phew.

**The next part might be put up. I dunno. I'm not really writing anymore. Sorry if this is confusing. I gonna stop writing soon.**


	12. UPDATE! I'm BACK!

Hi guys. Here's the thing. I miss Twilight. SO I'm going to try to get back into it, starting with reading all the books. I'm going to try and start writing again. Sorry if you thought this was a story: Just an update. (: Peace

Haley


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